A New Morning

It's been a while since my last post. Honestly, it was hard to come back knowing that my last few posts were all about my nephew. But, I'm back. I think. Here and there anyway.

I might choose to make this blog private since I've thought maybe I will post more often. Putting my real thoughts in actual words still scares me. In time, I will make that decision if I think it will help me.

I'm feeling really fired up and sarcastic this morning. I slept fairly well last night and, upon awakening, realized I had a heap-load of nightmares, yuck. Can't wait to share with my T another way my anxiety controls my life. So I'm already a little cranky from the nightmares and I sit my butt firmly in front of the tv to enjoy my morning coffee and news, and low and behold, the satellite is out, again. For no apparent reason. GRRRRRR...... Eh, I'll do something else. I'll read some blogs and write in my blog! I jump on the computer and I watch the stupid spinning colored-wheel and NOTHING is happening. Okay time to restart which has resulted in a major delay between my fingers typing on the keyboard to the letters actually appearing on this page, we're talking like a two second lag. So, I apologize for typos. Sort of makes me chuckle a little because my brain moves so fast when I am writing on paper that I tend to skip over words. Lastly, to sum up this not-so-fabulous morning, my dog thinks I'm a chew toy. Seriously, peeps, she LOVES to play and her idea of playing is chewing on my arm, kicking me with her legs, playfully growling at me... yeah, I love her.

I miss my funny and sarcastic self. I miss feeling bubbly and full of life. I don't think I want to write too much about my ED, but enough to at least help me. I want to write silly antics of things that happen in my life. I do love writing. I love playing with words, but not when it comes to my real feelings. I think I'm going to make fun of myself and not take things so seriously while writing.

Speaking of silliness, yesterday I was instant messaging with a co-worker and I went to type in "got it" to let him know we're good. Instead I typed "go tit". Simple mistake, right? Love my work, everyone got a good laugh from that one!

Speaking of ED, of course it's still here. It's up and down as usual. And really, that's all you need for an update regarding where I'm at with recovery. 100% commitment is scary for me, with anything. That's not to say I'm not 100% committed to my relationship with my husband. Rather, there is a wall between us that keeps us from being really connected. Not to worry, there's an enormous whole in the middle and the entire thing's breaking down on a daily basis. But it's still there. It takes a lot of time to break through brick and mortar.

Off to hopefully a decent Friday. I can already sense the level of sarcasm I'll be firing off when I get into the office.

Have a lovely day!